For I am Felinius the Mystic, whose glowing eyes see all that is hidden in the heart of avarice. You have journeyed far, adventurer, in search of the Ancient Orb of Orberforb, whose unspeakable power can lay waste to entire… No?
Then ye must seek Aphrodite’s Amulet, cursed with the ability to transform any man into a helpless slave of love, doing the erotic bidding of… Not that, either?
I have powders and tinctures prepared by the hand of Hippocrates himself, said to cure any known… well, what then?
Satan’s Sandals? The Hope Diamond? Mickey Mantle’s World Series home run ball? I have some mint condition Beanie Babies in the back that you…
(sigh) Down the hall to the left, past the vending machines, look for a sign that says “Restrooms.” You could have just said that.
Submitterationist Stephanie knows that we seek “Bella, the most beautiful and fairly smart cat ever (still going strong at 17) after a recent surgery to remove some bumps. She really didn’t like the cone of shame so the vet tech suggested a ‘onesie.’ As you can see from the photo, she is much happier with that.”