Bats! Fierce, leathery-winged marauders of the night! Tonight on “Scary Things That Can Totally Kill You” we’ll be looking at these freakish winged beasts and showing you why you should be hiding under your bed cowering in fear of them right now!
(Um, there’s been a mistake, I’m not a…)
With their large, hyper-sensitive ears, can these unnatural flapping vermin actually hear human thoughts? Scientists are sharply divided over this question, in that 32,712 say “no” and one says “yes” — and we’ll be talking to that one scientist later in the program!
(Wait, what? That doesn’t even make any…)
So don’t miss tonight’s fear-packed episode, and learn the secrets that might save your life from the clutches of these disgusting, murderous, godless communist bugs, who even now can be found lurking in your sock drawer, waiting to strike!
Sender-inner Drude writes “I accidentally Googled ‘oriental shorthair,’ and it was pure gold in the ridiculous ears and faces department.”