I’m Sure You’re Wondering Why I’ve Gathered You All Here Tonight…

It is because one of you… is the murderer of Sir Hector Blayvin! And tonight I shall unmask the guilty party! Will it be Contessa Gloryosky von Saspoot, who coveted Sir Hector’s fortune to finance her $5,000-a-day QVC pewter figurine shopping habit?

Or perhaps it is none other than Reginald Bloomingonion, who was swindled by Sir Hector into spending millions on worthless swamp land in Siberia, which is even more embarrassing when you consider that there is no swamp land in Siberia?

Or shall I name Sir Horace’s twin daughters, Abigail and Abigail, who never forgave their cruel father for not giving them different names?

Or will it be Lord Brimstone Mountbatty, rebuffed in his attempts to purchase Sir Hector’s estate to turn it into Middle Ages Happy Torture Time theme park?

So, you may ask yourselves: How shall I reveal the dastardly killer? It is but child’s play! I shall leave the murder weapons — a Colt 45, a crowbar, three bottles of poison, and a copy of Dianetics — on the coffee table and turn my back, at which time the murderer will reveal himself to the others by killing me in an attempt to thwart the investigation!

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Spotted by sleuther-inner Arne on Reddit.

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35 thoughts on “I’m Sure You’re Wondering Why I’ve Gathered You All Here Tonight…

  1. Night Owl December 14, 2015 / 11:38 am

    LOL
    For some reason I read this in the voice of Patrick Jane from The Mentalist.

    • Saffron December 14, 2015 / 12:04 pm

      I read the name Sir Hector Blayvin in a Jerry Lewis voice. Blaaayvin!

      • Faye December 14, 2015 / 12:10 pm

        Hey, LAAADY!!!

        • Faye December 14, 2015 / 12:12 pm

          Does anyone remember Jerry Lewis in Cinderfella? Just askin.

          • BB/VA December 14, 2015 / 9:46 pm

            Yes! Best Jerry Lewis movie, imo.

  2. Chris December 14, 2015 / 11:48 am

    Those late night QVC items are so hard to resist when you are sleep deprived.

  3. Faye December 14, 2015 / 12:09 pm

    Touch NOTHING!!

  4. Clairdelune December 14, 2015 / 12:14 pm

    LOL!! You outdid yourself, says I, as a long-time addict to murder mysteries and especially the old-fashioned British drawing-room ones.
    Kudos, NTMTOM! (and am also a little envious of your gift for writing!!)

    • AuntieM1996 December 14, 2015 / 1:15 pm

      And I was reading this expecting a cat built like Nero Wolfe!

      • Clairdelune December 14, 2015 / 1:32 pm

        Yes, of course!! He would deliver the whole thing, then leave to take care of his orchids. 😀

        • AuntieM1996 December 14, 2015 / 2:55 pm

          And quaff beer and indulge in hedonistic gastronomic pastimes!

          • Clairdelune December 14, 2015 / 3:59 pm

            A man after my own heart, I’m not much into quaffing, but am always ready for some hedonistic gastronomy followed by a long nap with a purring cat on my lap. My idea of heaven.

      • Clairdelune December 14, 2015 / 1:35 pm

        Forgot to add, I approve of your choice of avatar – THAT is my favorite part of my kitties. Especially when it’s pink. Irresistible.

        • AuntieM1996 December 14, 2015 / 2:55 pm

          Thanks! That’s The Boy’s nose. It’s the only part of him that’s delicate!

  5. Mikeyfur December 14, 2015 / 12:53 pm

    Colonel Mustard in the library with a candlestick!!

    • Faye December 14, 2015 / 10:16 pm

      Exactly.

  6. Janice December 14, 2015 / 1:10 pm

    Contessa Gloryosky von Saspoot! The name of my next kitty.

  7. Michelle P December 14, 2015 / 2:29 pm

    I’m having a Hercule Poirot “little grey cells” moment here.

    • one cranky lady December 14, 2015 / 4:21 pm

      yay, I came to say that!

      • Michelle P December 15, 2015 / 8:53 am

        🙂 It was either that or Midsomer Murders! Or Death in Paradise! Or Wallander! Or… gosh… too much Netflix do you think?

        • Smartypants December 15, 2015 / 2:25 pm

          Hehe, there’s no such thing as ‘too much Netflix’ 😀

  8. Kar December 14, 2015 / 4:24 pm

    I have no idea why that particular hovertext had me falling off the bed laughing but you certainly have a gift sir.

    • Puddleglum December 14, 2015 / 9:43 pm

      I know! It made me choke on my chardonnay….

    • Smartypants December 14, 2015 / 5:54 pm

      LOL, I snorted with laughter at that part. Also love ‘Reginald Bloomingonion’ – this is some top shelf Nomtommery! 😀

        • BB/VA December 14, 2015 / 9:48 pm

          Alert the OED!!! New word of the year 2016!

      • Faye December 14, 2015 / 10:14 pm

        Love NOMTOMMERY.

        • Smartypants December 15, 2015 / 8:24 am

          Wow, thanks all! (blushes and curtseys) 😀

      • birdcage December 15, 2015 / 8:46 am

        Nomtommery!!!!!!!! Brilliant!!!!

  9. DenverGal December 14, 2015 / 6:59 pm

    I immediately read this in the voice of David Niven a la Murder By Death. One of your finest yarns, NTMTOM.

    • Deb December 14, 2015 / 10:48 pm

      I think NTMTOM is channeling David Niven

    • Kar December 14, 2015 / 11:21 pm

      Nothing can top the dialogue between Alec Guinness and Nancy Walker. Probably my fave performance by him.

    • Kar December 14, 2015 / 11:51 pm

      Oh geez, Maggie Smith’s intrigued “How Tacky…”

      Only Neil Simon’s writing could’ve pulled this kind of talent.

  10. 6rabbits December 16, 2015 / 7:25 am

    Utterly the best in nomtommery! QVC and Dianetics nearly choaked me! (Heartily approve the new word!)

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