The Last Bath

Don Fuzzini takes his usual bath at the 34th Street Steam Room. This he has done every Wednesday night for over thirty years, when he first took control over The Families. It is an iron rule that he should not be disturbed during this time. But tonight is different.

A trusted lieutenant approaches with downcast eyes and whispers the news. The Families have decided. The Wickersham Brothers will take over the banana racket on the south side. The Orangutan Gang will handle fruit traffic downtown. Don Fuzzini is out.

He stares into the water as the messenger quickly leaves. Soon, men will come for him. Men with banana peels. So it will look like an accident. He has known this day would come. He inhales the steam as it rises from the water. A bubble travels up the small of his back and bursts on the surface without a sound. His soul is prepared.


220, by Chill Mimi, licensed under CC BY 2.0

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16 thoughts on “The Last Bath

  1. birdcage January 19, 2016 / 10:54 am

    “A bubble travels up the small of his back ….” OMG. NTMTOM, I bow to you.

    • Smartypants January 19, 2016 / 11:16 am

      Perfectly combining so many themes – yay NTMTOM!

  2. allein January 19, 2016 / 11:01 am

    I hope it doesn’t turn into a blood(orange)bath!

  3. Faye January 19, 2016 / 11:03 am

    Banana peel joke!!! Haha they come with banana peels!!!

  4. birdlady26 January 19, 2016 / 11:10 am

    Keep it comin’ NTMTOM.

  5. AJ January 19, 2016 / 12:08 pm

    I don’t know how NTMTOM keeps coming up with these, each one is funnier than the last, and really matches with the picture. I just hope he leaves his brain to science so they can maybe figure it out. And this one is perfect, especially since I grew up in North NJ (outside NYC), and can really, ahem “relate” to how problems are solved. Let’s just say The Sopranos, was like watching a documentary on my home town.

    • amyliz January 19, 2016 / 1:14 pm

      I know; how do you do it so consistently well, Mike? You are truly talented!😃

  6. Kay Fabe January 19, 2016 / 1:18 pm

    “Leave the gun, take the banana bread.”

    • allein January 19, 2016 / 2:08 pm


    • Faye January 19, 2016 / 4:21 pm

      And the Cannoli!!

  7. Kar January 19, 2016 / 2:45 pm

    Not sure which I like better, “So it will look like an accident” or the uh, bubble rising along his back.

  8. Faye January 19, 2016 / 3:32 pm

    I’ll be darned! That monkey in the bathtub turned out to be quit the tough guy. No wonder he looked so smug. He was contemplating a move on this guy’s turf. Never trust a protégé with a personal groomer.

    Cue Coronets.

    • AJ January 19, 2016 / 6:16 pm

      Since he wasn’t an orangutan, he might be the head of the Wickershim Brothers or somehow he also got control of the orangutans before he took on Don Fuzzini? These mob wars are just murder, ya know.

      • Not That Mike The Other Mike January 19, 2016 / 6:25 pm

        By the way, I just realized that I misspelled the names of the Wickersham Brothers in my post, so I fixed that. For anyone not familiar with them…

        • fkaWaldenPond January 19, 2016 / 11:40 pm

          Ok Fuzzani, the peels are coming, but you see them. Keep on, keeping on listening to those Who types. We’ve got your back.

      • Faye January 19, 2016 / 7:42 pm

        To the mattresses. And keep stirring the sauce.

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