I Feel a Psalm Coming On!

Today I received an email that was intended for someone else with a name similar to mine. So I replied politely and explained the situation.


…but weΒ can’t just leave it at that, now can we? Hit it, maestro!

No, I can’t pick out a Jesus for the Saturn
That’s something that I’m not prepared to do
For your Beemer I’ve got Buddha or if you want I coulda
Pair your Chevy with that crazy cat Cthulhu

Got an Allah for your Altima, I bought him up in Baltim’a
For your Humvee, Hermes, Hephaestus, or Zeus
For an Opel I’ve got Odin; that’s the very car he rode in
But no Big J for Saturn, there’s no use!

Etcetera, etcetera… I may add to this if I can think of anyΒ more verses.

83 6

55 thoughts on “I Feel a Psalm Coming On!

  1. Deb February 21, 2016 / 10:22 pm

    NTMTOM, the maestro is YOU!!! It could only be you.

  2. Birdcage February 21, 2016 / 10:31 pm

    Standing ovation!

  3. TinaK February 21, 2016 / 10:33 pm

    Well, if you weren’t going to burn with the rest of us before you surely will now!

  4. allein February 21, 2016 / 10:39 pm

    I’m an atheist but if there is going to be a NTMTOM religion I would join.

    • Faye February 22, 2016 / 9:12 am

      I’m in too.

        • Faye February 22, 2016 / 9:33 am

          Tough Mod Lounge down there. But worth it for eternal NTMTOMisms.

  5. michael February 21, 2016 / 10:49 pm

    Dad sure sends ‘special’ emails, doesn’t he?

      • Alison February 21, 2016 / 11:47 pm

        Lack of subject line = do not open. πŸ™‚
        You must have some top of the line antivirus software!
        Great writing as always!

  6. Murray February 21, 2016 / 10:51 pm

    Ah, yes, you do indeed have a certain gift for daffy rhymes. Bravo.

  7. Lurkingduck February 21, 2016 / 11:07 pm

    I’ve an Apollo for your Volvo.
    Yes, I’ve checked, he won’t object.
    There’s a Hades for your Hyundai,
    But he might just give you heck.

    For your Chevy I’ve got Chronos,
    To help get you there on time.
    And Charon for your Scion
    And for your van, there’s Pan. (Good rhyme.)

    • margaret February 22, 2016 / 4:43 am

      My heartiest applause!

    • Bookmonstercats February 22, 2016 / 5:27 am


    • Faye February 22, 2016 / 9:36 am

      Chronos! God, I’m always late. 😏

    • debg February 22, 2016 / 2:10 pm

      *golf clap*

  8. Mr. Max February 21, 2016 / 11:08 pm

    So, NTMTOM, were YOU the one who penned the classic “Plastic Jesus”?

    And yes, it is lovely to know I will have such wonderful company whilst roasting in the Underworld. A former neighbor of mine was wont to tell me that’s where I was going.


  9. margaret February 22, 2016 / 4:49 am

    Mr. NTMTOM, you have risen to new heights. I hold you in the highest regard and offer up a hearty round of applause. If there was a Walk of Fame, you’ve just cemented yourself there!

  10. Gigi the cat lady February 22, 2016 / 5:44 am

    An Odin for your Volkswagen
    A Baron Samedi for your Mini

  11. The Commenter Formerly Known as Ricky's Mom February 22, 2016 / 8:48 am

    So’s to disappoint you gently
    I’ve got Balder for your Bentley
    Huitzilopochtli for your Honda if you like
    But I can’t pick out a Jesus for the Saturn
    And I recommend you think about a bike.

    • Faye February 22, 2016 / 9:15 am

      So not disappointed.

  12. amyliz February 22, 2016 / 8:49 am

    How about a Satan for the Saturn, just for the alliteration? No? Well, ok, then I got nothin’.

    • BB/VA February 22, 2016 / 8:54 pm

      Why not Saturn for the Saturn? He was a god too, after all.

      • Mr. Max February 23, 2016 / 12:52 am

        And, of course, a Mercury for your Mercury.

  13. Faye February 22, 2016 / 9:22 am

    I got a Kali in my Kia.
    She protects me through the day.
    I show her proper homage
    So I shall not lose my way.
    Kia Kali. Ooo Kia Kali kalayyyyyyy!
    Kia Kali kalayyyyyy!

  14. Jen8 February 22, 2016 / 10:53 am

    “Watch me, Jesus, left turn!!!” George Carlin, I think,

  15. birdcage February 22, 2016 / 10:57 am

    Oh, there’s a Dracula in my Acura,
    He’s all about Fang Shui!
    Now I banter with a vampire,
    All the live long day.

  16. Saffron February 22, 2016 / 11:10 am

    If you do buy a car named Christine,
    Careful what’s in that that machine.
    An Archfiend’s inside,
    So your soul you should hide.
    Or you will soon become his fave cuisine.

  17. Faye February 22, 2016 / 11:32 am

    We all have hidden talents. I am always so impressed by you guys.

    • allein February 22, 2016 / 12:23 pm

      • Faye February 22, 2016 / 4:20 pm

        That. Is. Sooo. Perfect.

    • BB/VA February 22, 2016 / 8:56 pm

      Hey, you started it…

  18. debg February 22, 2016 / 2:11 pm

    Was I the only one who thought NOMTOM was supposed to pick out a Jesus for the (now downgraded) planet? Must read more carefully!

    • Alice Shortcake February 22, 2016 / 3:20 pm

      I too thought that the planet Saturn was in need of divine intervention, but it was Pluto that got downgraded.

    • Faye February 22, 2016 / 4:21 pm

      ROFLOL. Both of you just cracked me up. Saturn/Pluto what goes around comes around.

      • Deb February 22, 2016 / 8:44 pm

        Saturn/Pluto together that’s tough stuff! Empowered one minute, depressed the next.

        • Faye February 22, 2016 / 9:57 pm

          Wow. You’re right. Yikes.

          • Deb February 22, 2016 / 11:33 pm

            Saturn/Pluto, it’s a vicious cycle, Faye.

  19. The Commenter Formerly Known as Ricky's Mom February 22, 2016 / 3:10 pm

    Baron Samedi’s ready Mon-through-Sunday
    Maman-Brigitte stands out from the mob
    So Voo-dou like them riding in your Hyundai?
    Or is that just enough to make you Saab?

    • Faye February 22, 2016 / 4:25 pm

      Omgosh you’re good!

      • The Commenter Formerly Known as Ricky's Mom February 22, 2016 / 6:12 pm

        Thanks! NTMTOM’s very inspirational.

      • Murray February 22, 2016 / 6:37 pm

        I thought so when she used the word “eftsoons” but my admiration increases! πŸ‘ I feel I’m in the company of giants, judging from all the offerings herein.

  20. Mr. Max February 22, 2016 / 6:09 pm

    If you want a car for Loki
    Avoid the Yugo, it’s real pokey
    Seth will twist into a pretzel
    The jerk who gives him an Edsel
    Moloch, well, he’s such a bummer
    He really deserves a Hummer

    • Faye February 22, 2016 / 7:34 pm

      You rhymed pretzel and Edsel.
      Be still, my heart. πŸ˜€

  21. Jan February 22, 2016 / 10:05 pm

    I know I’m late to the party, but this post and all the comments get A SEAL OF APPROVAL!

  22. Deb February 22, 2016 / 11:35 pm

    I have to say, the old ranch was lovely, but this… this place is on fire and swingin’!

    • Mr. Max February 22, 2016 / 11:37 pm

      Given the content of this thread, “fire” seems particularly appropriate.

  23. Mr. Max February 22, 2016 / 11:36 pm

    Hera’s in a Beemer
    Poor Vulcan just a Ford
    Satan’s in a Bentley
    Befitting The Dark Lord
    Whenever there’s a question
    Who has the nicest car
    Always bet on Lucifer
    ‘Cause he’s the Morning Star

    • Faye February 23, 2016 / 5:36 am

      Dang that’s good!

  24. Mr. Max February 23, 2016 / 5:49 pm

    I would love to see the face of the gentleman who sent you that email if he saw what iconoclastic hell he unwittingly unleashed.

  25. Clairdelune June 9, 2016 / 1:45 pm

    I can’t believe I missed this post in February!!! I must have been knee-deep in work as often is the case of late.
    I’M DOFFING MY HAT TO ALL AND SUNDRY. A gathering of geniuses indeed, under the inspired aegis of NTMTOM.

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