The Ballad of the Bacon Brothers

Now, this here’s the story of the Bacon Brothers
They’re rougher and tougher than all of the others
Ham-fisted heroes who don’t take no guff
Can’t blow ’em down, though you’ll huff and you’ll puff


One night, as the cow was out jumpin’ the moon
The pair sauntered into Mother Goose Saloon
‘Twas vengeance they came for, and rode long and far,
On the Big Bad Wolf, drinking at the end of the bar

“We’re callin’ you out, Wolf,” Brick said with a sneer
The Wolf got so jumpy, he near spilt his beer
“You killed cousin Stick, and from that you can’t hide
So fill your hand, varmint, and join us outside”

“Two agin’ one?” Wolf protested. “Now that just ain’t fair!
Let’s even these odds, or I don’t go nowhere!
I’ll take on the small one, he looks like a winner,
And once I’ve shot him, I’ll eat you both for dinner!”

But when the dust settled, the Wolf met his rest
Two slugs in the belly, plus one in the chest
He should have known better; if you’re gonna draw
You don’t want to be he who selects the short Straw

Photo via Priscilla the Mini Pig on Facebook.

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43 thoughts on “The Ballad of the Bacon Brothers

  1. allein April 7, 2016 / 8:34 am

    OK, I just got to work and I’m done for the day. Thanks, Mike.

  2. Faye April 7, 2016 / 8:52 am

    Two Pink Piggies. In cowboy hats. Yup. I’m stunned by the cute. Gobsmacked.

    • Faye April 7, 2016 / 8:54 am

      And the epic rhyming story. Amazing.

  3. Carlisa Smith April 7, 2016 / 8:55 am

    Too funny! Brick must be the one on the left. Btw- So good to see you posting, Mike, always enjoyed your posts on CO! YAY!

  4. Gigi_the cat lady April 7, 2016 / 8:57 am

    All of that lovely story was just a set-up for a pun! “”groan””

    P.S. I’m one of the perverts who actually enjoys puns (she said giggling madly)

    • allein April 7, 2016 / 9:00 am

      If you don’t love puns there is something wrong with you.

      • Emmberrann April 7, 2016 / 9:05 am


    • Julie April 7, 2016 / 12:30 pm


      • Gigi_the cat lady April 7, 2016 / 12:33 pm

        That’s what I’ve been called, a pun loving pervert, and I wear that title with pride! 😀

  5. Emmberrann April 7, 2016 / 9:12 am

    Great guns, NTMTOM! Ya dun kilt this yarn! Kudos for this rhymin’ li’l tale. Brilliant in the best sense, and I love Brick and Straw’s lively expression of alertness and interest (perfect for a pair o’ varmint eradicators).

      • Ricky's Mom April 7, 2016 / 10:41 am

        Well, yeah. But cuter than the other one. 🙂

  6. Luv Bunny April 7, 2016 / 9:36 am

    Gotta hand it to ya, NTMTOM, a very clever, rhyming ballad. Now who can put that to some guitar music. Those are such adorable leetle (for the time being) piglets, who look like they could take on the big, bad wolf.

  7. Caz April 7, 2016 / 10:20 am

    You always have to look out for the short ones 😉
    Love this post! I have to ask….is Piggy on the left wearing a tutu?

    • allein April 7, 2016 / 10:22 am

      omg she is! I totally missed that before!

      • Esther April 7, 2016 / 12:16 pm

        Me too!

      • Caz April 7, 2016 / 10:35 am

        Makes me love these two even more! Little Ms Piggy is so tough she can take you down in her tutu, perhaps with a little pirouette? 😀

        • allein April 7, 2016 / 10:40 am

          Is her name Olivia?

            • allein April 7, 2016 / 10:59 am

              Can you see my image in the above post? It’s Olivia the Pig from the picture books but all I’m seeing is a broken image icon. But I’m at work so I don’t know if it’s just being blocked here or what.

  8. birdcage April 7, 2016 / 11:20 am

    Nouveau Classique!!!!!! BRAVO!

  9. Esther April 7, 2016 / 12:10 pm

    Well that is just darn adorable :D. The picture and the story 😀

  10. allein April 7, 2016 / 12:16 pm

    Google suggests Have Gun – Will Travel?

  11. Clairdelune April 7, 2016 / 12:18 pm

    These two are the cutest piglets I ever saw – such alert little faces!!!
    Mike, while reading your brilliantly punny poem, I kept hearing in my head a theme song from an old TV show but I cannot recall which: ‘This is a story about a man called Bill…” and now I have an ear worm thanks to you!! 😀

  12. Julie April 7, 2016 / 12:31 pm

    Wow!! 9 indented comments!

  13. Julie April 7, 2016 / 12:33 pm

    I both loff and hate this post.

    I loff it because these are piglets wearing cowboy hats and a tutu. And I have the same cowboy hats for my chihuahuas. They are from Walmart’s Halloween Pet Display.

    I hate it because this is why I can no longer get pepperoni on my pizza 🙁

  14. JenBaz April 7, 2016 / 2:40 pm

    Did anyone else sing this epic ballad to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies” like I did?

    • Not That Mike The Other Mike April 7, 2016 / 2:45 pm

      Well, I am now! 😀 Thanks for the earworm, and welcome to the comments section! Y’all come back now, y’hear?

  15. Smartypants April 7, 2016 / 4:07 pm

    Hey, the one on the left is – wait for it – hogging the remote! 😀

  16. Kar April 7, 2016 / 4:24 pm

    Seriously, this is a coffee table book entry.

    RIP Stick

  17. Jan April 7, 2016 / 6:20 pm

    Yep, must be Mad Mike’s… come for the poetry, stay for the puns!

  18. Ellie's Maid April 7, 2016 / 8:39 pm

    Well now, I am not in to pigs generally (unless they are in the form of a pork chop) but these two are just darn tooting cute!

    And, yeah, I heard the Beverly Hillbillies song, too . . .

  19. Marcia April 8, 2016 / 12:19 pm

    This is right up there with the Prickly Kid! Good work, NTMTOM!

  20. Joy Hartzler April 8, 2016 / 3:16 pm

    This one is awesome on multiple levels … nearly burst out laughing at work 3 different times. Well done NTMTOM and other commentators, well done!

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