Maru Needs to Knead

Whenever Maru has a toy in his mouth, he must knead, says Mugumogu. That’s because the so-called “toy” is in reality a mind-control device from the alien civilization of Pizza Planet, who plan to conscript all of Earth’s cats into their dough-making slave army. (This is all on InfoWars, people. Study it out.)

Is my tinfoil hat on straight, Andrew Y.?

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19 thoughts on “Maru Needs to Knead

  1. Smartypants March 18, 2017 / 11:52 am

    Judge Napolitano said it, so it must be true!

    • debg March 18, 2017 / 1:22 pm

      *golf clap*

      I would happily join all the cats on Pizza Planet. And mugumogu needs to dress up Maru in a full-on Italian get-up for one of these pizza dough vids.

      • Wuyizidi March 18, 2017 / 2:25 pm

        This proves it – Comet Pizza in DC is an alien outpost.

          • Wuyizidi March 18, 2017 / 9:31 pm

            Alternative Truthβ„’ – we must find it. And once we have it, we never having to admit being wrong again, ever.

  2. Julie March 18, 2017 / 11:56 am

    I love Maru β€πŸ¦„

  3. Ricky's Mom March 18, 2017 / 12:50 pm

    There’s some Maru and Hana merch, though: key chains and what look like bracelets to me. I suppose they could be choker necklaces for people who don’t mind being choked IRL.

  4. Dubravkamcvmd March 18, 2017 / 12:57 pm

    Maru is a serious kneader – he even gets one hind paw to work.

  5. Wuyizidi March 18, 2017 / 2:20 pm

    “Let me [take a deep, angry breath] tell you about tin foiled hats: aluminum actually AMPLIFIES and fine-tune the radio signals in the 1.2 and 2.6 Ghz bands. You know what those bands are used for – mobile communication and satellite to earth transmissions! There you have it – FCC is in on the alien plot to turn not just our cats, but us as well, into demons, DEMONS!

    And one more thing, to be fully effective as a Faraday cage it must be a full-faced helmet that covers the entire head. So many people are ignorant of that and lose their free will as a result – sad.”

    – Alex Jones.

    • Dubravkamcvmd March 18, 2017 / 4:39 pm

      Geez – thanks for the heads up!

    • fkaWaldenPond March 18, 2017 / 6:44 pm

      I’m going with ‘Dance like the microwave isn’t watching!’ seen this past week. πŸ˜€

      • Wuyizidi March 18, 2017 / 9:28 pm

        I’d actually sleep better at night knowing the “man from microwave” was in fact still running things as it is being alleged πŸ™‚

  6. allein 🌼 March 18, 2017 / 4:23 pm

    He looks like he has an old-timey cartoon bomb fuse.

    And I’ll take a kneady kitty over a needy person any day.

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