He’s Hot on Your Heels, Evildoers!

Porter Peeker was just another hard-working college boy, juggling classes by day with his night job at the local hot sauce factory. One night, during a freak electrical storm, he lost his footing and tumbled into a vat of extra spicy at the exact moment it became electrified. From that moment on, his destiny was changed forever.

Imbued with the super power of hot sauce, he donned a red suitย and cowl to become the scourge of the city’s criminals, immobilizing them with his fiery blasts. Again and again, baffled police found crooks bound and coughing outside the station, marked only with the squirted red letters “S. T.”

Then as suddenly as he appeared, the city’s hero was gone. Some say he was murdered by mob kingpins; others think he merely retired to seek a quiet suburban life. Police traded stories about their encounter with the hero they only knew as a flash of red in the shadows followed byย a pungent chili scent, and wondered if he would ever return.

And then, one day…

Evildoers beware! I have returned!

Via Twitter.

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16 thoughts on “He’s Hot on Your Heels, Evildoers!

  1. Ricky's Mom April 6, 2017 / 1:01 pm

    “Porter Peeker”โ€”I see what you did there.

    I looked this up, and apparently it’s a Canadian thing. They make burgers out of teenagers. And I always thought Canadians were so nice โ€ฆ

  2. Birdcage April 6, 2017 / 1:06 pm

    A&W makes burgers out of ALL family members: mama, papa, teen, uncle, grandpa.
    We don’t discriminate in Canada!!!!

    • Gigi the cat lady April 6, 2017 / 1:28 pm

      A&W makes the best onion rings!!!!!

      • fkaWaldenPond April 6, 2017 / 6:00 pm

        and now along with onion rings I could have some root beer as well. I can’t remember the last time I had root beer. Here is the root bear:

        • Not That Mike The Other Mike April 6, 2017 / 7:26 pm

          I loved A&W root beer when there was an A&W restaurant in my area where I could buy a fresh glass of the stuff. It had a faint licorice taste that made the whole drink brilliant.

          • allein ๐Ÿพ April 6, 2017 / 7:28 pm

            If you take a nice foamy glass of root beer and dump a shot of black sambuca in it, the foam will all just go “poof!”

            And then it’ll really taste like licorice. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        • allein ๐Ÿพ April 6, 2017 / 7:27 pm

          I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.

    • Emsthemonster April 6, 2017 / 1:46 pm

      Oh and how about neighbours? He would be enough for a whole lot of burgers!
      (nvm I would always feel burgers are staring at me – Iam not sure I would be able to live with that)

  3. Dubravkamcvmd April 6, 2017 / 1:07 pm

    I know this had been said before but Mike, you need to leave your brain to science.

    • jerzowa April 6, 2017 / 3:21 pm

      But do not be hasty! ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. allein ๐Ÿพ April 6, 2017 / 1:09 pm

    Lost member of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force?

  5. DebG April 6, 2017 / 1:14 pm

    Marvelous scrolldown, as always! I’ve been on a superhero TV binge lately, so it’s extra-suitable.

  6. Gigi the cat lady April 6, 2017 / 1:37 pm

    The Sriracha Avenger uncovers a black market pumpkin ring!

    ?2

    • Smartypants April 6, 2017 / 4:44 pm

      Oh good, I was hoping someone would provide a photo of the actual Capsaicin’ed Crusader!

      (My sewing kit is a tin lunchbox with that rooster mascot – love it! Got it on Amazon thru the Portal, of course).

  7. Faye April 6, 2017 / 3:48 pm

    I wonder about you Mike. I wonder how one person can conjure perfect tiny essays on the quirks of human and animal existence.

  8. Julie April 6, 2017 / 6:55 pm

    That the Canadians would call any burger a “teen burger” is awesome and proof that Canadians are cool human beings.

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