Natural History of Alternate Earth

About 2 bullion years BVD, the first single-celled globules began to cohabitate in the primordial salsa, forming the building blorps of life as we knew it last Toesday. These globules mutilated into the basic animal spicys: the giraffipedes, the elephizgeralds, the squidgoals, the twitterati, the lurkensproingers, the monkey-level marketers, and (pictured below) the penguidogs.

Meow.

Just… wow, Sharon H.

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31 thoughts on “Natural History of Alternate Earth

  1. Doug September 21, 2017 / 8:06 am

    What in the world is that ??

    A pupsicle?

  2. Ricky's Mom September 21, 2017 / 8:08 am

    elephizgeralds – I love you so much right now, Mike!

    • The Iglets September 21, 2017 / 8:50 am

      I know!!

    • allein 🐾 September 21, 2017 / 9:21 am

      And I thought Nutella Fitzgerald was my new favorite screen name (someone on the Ask a Manager blog)… So very tempted to change mine to Elephizgerald.

    • Juno September 21, 2017 / 9:56 am

      elephizgeralds = best thing ever

    • Murray C September 21, 2017 / 11:22 am

      Remember the joke “What’s grey and sings the blues? Elephantsgerald”!

      I would love some backstory on this image.

    • Duckie 🐥 September 21, 2017 / 11:59 am

      Just got it now.
      :facedesk:

  3. Dubravkamcvmd September 21, 2017 / 8:39 am

    I would like to meet a lurkensproinger. Maybe one will sproing out at me today from it’s lurking place

    • allein 🐾 September 21, 2017 / 9:24 am

      Okay, I was going to post a sproinging lurken but I found this and it’s just too weird not to share…

      • Blue Footed Booby September 21, 2017 / 9:29 am

        That’s by Cyriak, noted electronic music artist and crazy person.

        • allein 🐾 September 21, 2017 / 9:40 am

          Good to know.. 😛

      • dubravkamcvmd September 21, 2017 / 9:54 am

        Well supposedly our tech overlords will figure out a way for life to survive climate change so I guess that’s one idea.

      • Smartypants September 21, 2017 / 10:31 am

        It’s like a combination Swiss army knife and Matrushka doll, designed by H. R. Giger…

        • allein 🐾 September 21, 2017 / 10:56 am

          😂

          Swiss Army Sheep

        • Murray C September 21, 2017 / 11:23 am

          😂

  4. The Iglets September 21, 2017 / 8:50 am

    HAhaha!! If I weren’t at work, I’d spend a stupid amount of time guessing what BVD is. I’ll cheat and check back laita..

    • allein 🐾 September 21, 2017 / 9:37 am

      Before Viral Doggos?

      (Obviously a play on BCE and I’m guessing it’s a reference to the underwear brand.)

      • The Iglets September 21, 2017 / 12:13 pm

        Doh!! Men’s underwear doesn’t fit me, so…

  5. Beth September 21, 2017 / 9:08 am

    …and that’s exactly how all those science & nature shows sound to me. There might also be a (virtual) drinking game involved, but I won’t go there. You’re welcome.

    Also, add my 🙌 for ‘eliphizgeralds’.

  6. LunaChickFringe September 21, 2017 / 9:50 am

    Is that Maymo, the lemon beagle? Also this is a particularly brilliant post, Mike!

  7. Gigi the cat lady September 21, 2017 / 9:51 am

    For those old enough to remember Cheers, just imagine that spoken in good old Cliff Clavin’s voice and it’s even funnier.

  8. Hilda September 21, 2017 / 9:51 am

    I’m very taken with “mutilated”….

    • Juno September 21, 2017 / 9:58 am

      [backs away slowly]

  9. debg September 21, 2017 / 10:40 am

    Why isn’t this being taught in science classes? Teach the controversy, people!!!!

    Elefizgeralds will have me chortling all day.

  10. Patty September 21, 2017 / 11:28 am

    This was a laugh out loud post. I love elephizgeralds. Monkey Level Marketing is great too. I bet your spellcheck hates you, Mike.

    This does sound like something Cliff would’ve said, but he would be serious, and not making jokes.

  11. Kar September 21, 2017 / 3:44 pm

    I cannot tell you how badly I want to see a giraffipede.

    I just want to see it try to walk or better, gallop over the Serengeti

    • allein 🐾 September 21, 2017 / 3:58 pm

      • Kar September 21, 2017 / 6:20 pm

        Thank you!

  12. Faye September 21, 2017 / 4:33 pm

    You all are geniuses. Funny ones! Thank you!

  13. koixka September 23, 2017 / 4:30 am

    *Primordial Salsa* ?!
    Love that so much. 😂😂😂

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