Getting to Know Clifton Swogwarthy, International Jet-Set Radish

“I used to be just another radish stuck in the ground,” says Swogworthy from his gracious 14-room summer home. “But then I had a root awakening. Plenty of vegetables lead exciting, high-profile lives. Just look at Paris Hilton. So why can’t I?”

“I’m actually very big in Japan, hence my decor.”

An accomplished track-and-field athlete, Swogworthy trains for the Pan-European Greenhouse Games every day with his coach, Barkley “Doge” Yapperstein.

“Wow. So running. Very race. Many record-breaking. Wow.”

But it’s his relationship with wealthy heiress Betty Carotene that’s grabbed the most headlines. “There’s nothing going on,” he insists. “We’re just good friends.”

“More broth, my dear?”

Suggested by Allein, Sender-inner of Mystery!

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27 thoughts on “Getting to Know Clifton Swogwarthy, International Jet-Set Radish

  1. Brouhaha August 26, 2016 / 8:59 am

    OOOOohhhh buuuuuurrn. *snort!*

  2. Faye August 26, 2016 / 8:59 am

    The most interesting Radish in the world!

    OMG! I can’t stand how silly/smart this is.

    • Smartypants August 26, 2016 / 9:05 am

      Yes! One anthropomorphic veggie is good, but then when we meet his ‘friend’ the carrot…perfect!

  3. allein 🐾 August 26, 2016 / 9:00 am

    Yay! All the better because I didn’t remember these particular pictures (I sent Mike an email forward that my mom sent me a few weeks ago, but these weren’t the ones that stuck in my memory).

    They must have come from the Cutetropolis Farmer’s Market.

    • JenDeyan August 26, 2016 / 9:16 am

      So, how does it feel to be The “Sender-Inner of Mystery”? If you work even harder and travel around maybe you can be The “International Sender-Inner of Mystery”.

      • allein 🐾 August 26, 2016 / 9:18 am

        Um…I went to Canada when I was twelve. Does that count?

        • debg August 26, 2016 / 9:54 am

          Yes, absolutely! Good sender-innering, Allein.

      • allein 🐾 August 26, 2016 / 11:18 am

        Wait, does this mean I have to start drinking Dos Equis? Cuz I really don’t like beer…

  4. dubravkamcvmd August 26, 2016 / 9:17 am

    Remember the TV show “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous”? Clifton and Betty would have been perfect subjects. Although lots of TV is Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous now, I guess.

    • allein 🐾 August 26, 2016 / 9:20 am

      Hosted by Robin Leek? 😉

      Also, earworm.

      • dubravkamcvmd August 26, 2016 / 9:31 am

        Robin Leek! That’s great!

        Mike, another post with Clifton and Betty, interviewed by Robin Leek? You’re going to have to start doing original photography, maybe videos??

  5. Birdcage August 26, 2016 / 9:31 am

    “Root awakening”!!!!!! NTMTOM, you slay me. Absolutely SLAY me.
    Also: Paris Hilton!!!!!!! You win all the interwebs.

    • Catwhisperer August 26, 2016 / 12:42 pm

      So much to love about this post, but the Paris Hilton line was my favorite. Betty Carotine was a close second!

  6. Gigi the cat lady August 26, 2016 / 9:44 am

    Clifton and Betty give an all new meaning to vegging out.

  7. debg August 26, 2016 / 9:49 am

    That’s it, people. Pack up the internet. Mike has topped everything that has or can be posted.

    I was helpless with laughter in my office when a coworker/friend walked by. Hopefully she too has now become a Cutetropolis devotee.

  8. Saffron August 26, 2016 / 10:35 am

    First photo looks like the Radish is recreating the Burt Reynolds Cosmo centerfold. 😀

    • allein 🐾 August 26, 2016 / 11:16 am

      Maru: “I am not a salad!”

      I love how he just can’t contain the tail.

    • Julie August 26, 2016 / 11:36 am

      Can’t believe that Mugumogo referred to a radish as “sexy” – too funny!

      • debg August 26, 2016 / 1:29 pm

        Is this video old? Is it new? How did I miss it?

        Maru looked a little miffed to have company in HIS bowl.

        • Andrew August 26, 2016 / 1:50 pm

          It’s new! 😀

        • Murray C. August 26, 2016 / 3:07 pm

          Then he tries to save face by gazing intently at something – most likely invisible – in the distance. I love the end, he’s all curled up but that one eye is wide open. He is nonplussed.

  9. Julie August 26, 2016 / 11:37 am

    “Just look at Paris Hilton” – You are the BEST Mr. Cutetropolis!

  10. Duckie 🐥 August 26, 2016 / 11:56 am

    Mike, I think this post should have come with a PG rating. I blushed.

      • Murray C. August 26, 2016 / 3:10 pm

        We can be assured no root vegetables were harmed in the filming of this post?

  11. Clairdelune August 27, 2016 / 7:26 pm

    Oh my, Mike, you have topped yourself wit this one!!! Clifton and Betty are going to have a lot of company on the high-living vegetable circuit… the daily Entertainment No-news are full of them… 😀

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