Folks, if you’re looking for an exciting new career, consider training for work in the professional backflipping industry! Experienced backflippers can earn up to $5 per flip, with no upper limit on earning potential! Backflippers go to exciting places, meet interesting people, and get lots of exercise! And the best part is, it’s completely automation-proof. Unlike manufacturing, retail, trucking, and many other professions, there is absolutely no chance that backflippers will never be replaced by robo–OH FOR PETE’S SAKE AT LEAST LET ME FINISH THE PITCH!
No, you can’t have your tuition deposit back, Alice Shortcake.
Porter Peeker was just another hard-working college boy, juggling classes by day with his night job at the local hot sauce factory. One night, during a freak electrical storm, he lost his footing and tumbled into a vat of extra spicy at the exact moment it became electrified. From that moment on, his destiny was changed forever.
Imbued with the super power of hot sauce, he donned a red suit and cowl to become the scourge of the city’s criminals, immobilizing them with his fiery blasts. Again and again, baffled police found crooks bound and coughing outside the station, marked only with the squirted red letters “S. T.”
Then as suddenly as he appeared, the city’s hero was gone. Some say he was murdered by mob kingpins; others think he merely retired to seek a quiet suburban life. Police traded stories about their encounter with the hero they only knew as a flash of red in the shadows followed by a pungent chili scent, and wondered if he would ever return.
Time for a shout-out to Julie for her tip and nice note: “Thanks for giving me (and many others) a safe place to be kind to each other and to get away from the madness in the world.” Thank you and you’re welcome.
Now it’s time to share another amazing contribution, this one from N. Fritz: “Here’s a video my students put together for the midnight show at their prom last week. I know it’s not a cute animal video, but they did such an awesome mannequin challenge about cheating in the last seconds of an exam.”