Shelf Life — and Death

The holidays had been good for Miss Camelia Poofybutt. The home was filled with friends and relations, each one ready with a belly rub and pat on the head. The lavish dinner was enjoyed by all, with many sumptuous morsels “accidentally” falling from the table for her to enjoy. Later she sat by the fire, filled with food, friendship, and the peace of another year well spent. With the new year fast approaching, only one holiday tradition remained: The annual savage dismemberment of The Elf on the Shelf.

corgi dog chews on arm of doll with red and white striped costume
SNITCHES GET STITCHES, YOU TURNCOAT!

Twinkie and a toy, by Sergiy Galyonkin, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

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19 thoughts on “Shelf Life — and Death

  1. sedro6 December 31, 2024 / 12:50 pm

    Noooooo!

    • allein 🐾 December 31, 2024 / 12:52 pm

      lol…

  2. 6rabbits December 31, 2024 / 12:56 pm

    “Poofybutt”!😆😆😆😆

  3. AJ December 31, 2024 / 1:35 pm

    Yes!! Get that elf and give it a shake! I may be in the minority but I really don’t like Elf on the Shelf. It is one of the oddest holiday “traditions”. I mean really, spying on kids and reporting back to Santa?? So George Orwell. Some of the scenarios parents dream up to place the elf in are kinda cute but talk about extra pressure during an already crazy time of the year.

    • allein 🐾 December 31, 2024 / 1:46 pm

      My friend did the elf one year for her son when he was pre-school age; the next year she asked if remembered the elf that visited the previous year, and he said “yeah, but he’s not real.” Her (internal) response: “Good, now I don’t have to think of things to do with the elf!” Her daughter was still too young to appreciate it that year so there wasn’t much point in doing it for her.

      I think it’s pretty creepy as written, but I’ve seen lots of cute things (and also funny things that are very much not meant for kids) people do with them online. If you leave out the “he’s watching you and reporting back to Santa every night” and “don’t touch him or the magic dies!” aspects it’s not so bad. (I still wouldn’t do it, though.)

  4. Georgiana December 31, 2024 / 3:23 pm

    The Elf on the shelf wasn’t a thing back when I was a kid and my parents wouldn’t have done it anyway. They didn’t do the whole Santa Claus bring the presents either simply because Santa is supposed to bring the presents on Christmas Eve for you to open on Christmas morning but we always opened the presents on Christmas Eve.

    • allein 🐾 December 31, 2024 / 3:54 pm

      I don’t think my parents would have done the elf, either, but we did have Santa come on Christmas Eve and we left out milk and cookies (which I assume just got poured back into the carton/put back in the tin as soon as we were in bed. Oh, and carrots for the reindeer. My brother and I would always get up super early, for no real reason since we weren’t allowed to open anything (except our stockings) until my parents got up, and we weren’t allowed to wake them before 7:00. (One year they got up to find us both asleep on the couch. We had probably gotten up around 5am.)

    • 6rabbits December 31, 2024 / 4:17 pm

      We never did Elf On The Shelf. I don’t know if it just wasn’t a thing, or parents didn’t like it? Don’t remember anyone else talking about it either.
      My first year teaching I hid a paper elf for the last 2 weeks before break, and the kid who found it got a small prize. Third graders loved it, but it could get wild.

      • allein 🐾 December 31, 2024 / 4:24 pm

        The Elf “tradition” started in 2005.

        • 6rabbits December 31, 2024 / 6:18 pm

          Well that explains it! Waaaaaaaaaaay past my youth😉

          • allein 🐾 December 31, 2024 / 6:29 pm

            I put “tradition” in quotes for a reason. 😉

    • Georgiana December 31, 2024 / 4:25 pm

      I don’t know why we opened our presents on Christmas Eve, I’ve learned that it’s a German tradition but my parents were not German and my ancestry and from France.

  5. Skimpy December 31, 2024 / 3:30 pm

    Camelia Poofybutt 🤣🤣🤣

  6. Dana December 31, 2024 / 3:58 pm

    Poofybutt!!! 😂 (And, exactly what I have now, though not as cute, after all the holiday eating and drinking….)

    Mike and fellow Qte-watchers: thank you for a year of adorableness, belly laughs, and hysterical commentary. I love this space and wish all of you a Happy (furry) new year!!!

  7. Kar December 31, 2024 / 5:13 pm

    Well, that escalated quickly.

  8. DEBG December 31, 2024 / 5:20 pm

    I’m wayyyy too old for Elf on a Shelf, thank goodness. Nothing I’ve heard about it makes me sorry that I missed it.

    Miss Poofybutt has the right idea.

    Also if you need a rip-roaring great laugh, listen to David Sedaris read “Six to Eight Black Men.” It’s on his Live at Carnegie Hall album. It’s about holiday traditions in Europe, among other things, and should be required listening at this time of year.

    • allein 🐾 December 31, 2024 / 5:25 pm

      • 6rabbits December 31, 2024 / 6:38 pm

        Okay…that was *hysterical *!!🤣😂. I actually snort-laughed…2X!!
        Thank you! I have saved it to share with others.

        • DEBG December 31, 2024 / 10:08 pm

          He does an Easter one in Me Talk Pretty One Day, called Jesus Shaves. Equally gut-busting, in a good way.

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