It says “Flargity hoopnert bleegle smickle smax.” Wait, no, it says “Woop woop pingulous norple porple fnoo.” Argh! I can’t read this, I’m a red panda! We can’t read! Can any of you peeps help me out here? What does my fortune cookie say?

Red Panda Face, by Ariel Ophelia, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0