Imagination Not Included

As the holiday shopping season begins, a reminder: When you shop with Amazon, you get a free racing car for your cat with every order, a $0.11 value! But that’s not all! This sleek, stylish car also transforms into a space ship, pirate galleon, Roman chariot, and more!

Easy to operate, batteries not required!

To demonstrate, here’s Lily, whose human Jan B. writes: “Lily was very prompt to follow the instructions, I didn’t even have a chance to put the box on the floor!”

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House Hippos

As we follow the adventures of Fiona, you may ask: How can I get more hippo into my life? Sadly, the house hippo remains a cruel myth, but you can still have hippos around the house with products like these.

The Hippomark lurks between — and beneath — the pages of your favorite books, marking your place while it grazes for adverbs and dangling participles. (Peleg Design, $9.95)

And while you’re reading, enjoy a cup of your favorite tea. Hippos enjoy the comfy warmth of a nice cup of tea, and the aroma of jasmine or chamomile fills their nostrils with delight. (GAMAGO Hippo Tea Infuser, $16.71)

And what goes well with tea? Cookies! This hippo cookie cutter is just the thing for baking cookies that look as good as they taste. (R&M Hippo 4″ Cookie Cutter, $5.16)

Adding a bit of greenery keeps every home healthy and welcoming. This hippo is happy to help by letting you plant your favorite succulent inside his ample body. (GeLive Planter with Tray Saucer, $12.99)

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Scratching Out a Living

Don’t let her look at human pictures all day.

Is your cat bored all day? Find her a job! Feline employment can be stimulating for your cat and profitable for you. Of course, most jobs require computer skills, so get your cat started with one of these laptops with mouse and scratch pad.

I don’t play “Cat Scratch Fever.”

Did you know that club DJs can bring home hundreds of dollars a night? If your cat likes to scratch, hook him up with this old-school kitty turntable and watch the money rock-and-roll in.

(Caution: Keep away from fire.)

Civic-minded cats may opt for a career in public service, such as police officers or firefighters. Just imagine the pride you’ll feel when your cat arrives on the scene in her very own cardboard fire truck.

Open the pod bay doors, HAL.

And perhaps your cat will land the ultimate cool job: astronaut! With rigorous training in this space pod simulator, your cat can become the thing most of us wanted to be as kids, bringing home a sweet paycheck plus lucrative endorsement deals!

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Jurassic Spork

I’m especially fond of celery.

Since before the beginning of the dawn of prehistory, creatures have been fixated on the subject of food. Some sought food, others became food, but all were implements in Earth’s primeval kitchen.

Some, such as the Ladlesaurus, swam calmly in the primordial stew, grazing on nearby trees.

Rawr! I hunt the pasta of the past!

But the most feared was the Pastasaurus Rex, whose deadly teeth plunged into the boiling spaghetti seas to feast.

Women and children last!

Equally fearsome on land, this beast chased down all of the smaller creatures who didn’t measure up, making him Earth’s first form of portion control.

The chicken, obviously.

As the eons passed, however, many of these massive reptiles evolved into modern-day birds, such as the humble nesting chicken, who provided a measured solution to the age-old conundrum: which came first, the chicken or the egg?

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