Kleptomanicats

There is a simple truth that every cat owner believes:

cat steals ham
Yum, food! My favorite! (Imgur)

That cats, while cuddly and cute, are dirty rotten thieves.

cat rifles through purse
loose change… lint-covered mint… where ARE those car keys?

Every time you look, they’re in the refrigerator,

cat in refrigerator
You’re out of, um… space. (Imgur)

They’ll steal the fish right off the hook and then say “see ya later!”

cat reaches for fish
No touchy the fishie!

They’ll happily steal your cookies, they devour them and grow fatter

Your offering has pleased the Porch Demons. (Imgur)

But if they can’t get cookies, then they’ll steal the cookie batter

cat sticks hand in mixing bowl
Um, hello, ma’am, I’m from Mixmaster customer service, and… (Imgur)

We’re trying to nab the perps with all the tools that we can muster,

cat steals pen
… when they’re not stealing them. (Imgur)

But we can’t dust for pawprints, ’cause the kitties stole our duster.

cat steals duster
Took ’em a while, though. (Imgur)
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How’s My Hare?

It’s a hare with wild hair! Why, it’s crazy up there! It sticks up in the air like it just doesn’t care! Is it suave, debonair? Or does it just scare? People stare and declare “That hair’s a nightmare!” How unfair! This hair can compare with the best anywhere! With the swells in Mayfair! The fresh prince of Bel-Air! The unkempt college profs who espouse laissez-faire! With a prickly pear in Elsmere, Delaware! From rich millionaire to the poor on welfare, from the mane of the mare to the bristle of bear, show me hair with such flair to spare on the square, you I dare!

And what’s with the tongue? By a bee, were you stung?

taddaaah, by Predi With apologies to George Carlin.

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Happy Dr. Seuss Day!

Today’s Dr. Seuss Day, just ask any teacher
But I’d rather query this quizzical creature
With the grinchiest grin your eyes ever saw,
It looks just like something the Doctor might draw.

Such a Seussian face needs a Seussian name
Something suitably slimy, yet nice all the same.
Like “Sneezix” or “Glorch” or perhaps something long,
Like “Flat-headed Bumble-eyed Thing-a-ma-bong.”
If you think of a Seussish-type name you can share
Just type it below in the comments down there.
Or if you’re creeped out and not into all that
Enjoy this Seuss staple — a cat in a hat.

I’m a classic. (via Wikipedia)
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