“Listen up, maggots, because I’m only going to say this once! Our orders are to clear the living room of mousies and as Patton is my witness that’s just what we’re going to do, using the latest in anti-mouse artillery: the Meowitzer 40mm cannon!”
Via Reddit.
“Hows my Driving?” and “Caution Wide Load” Ha ha ha!!
Love it! I’ve seen one that I’d never put on my own car, but I got a chuckle out of it – “Don’t like my driving? Dial 1-800-EAT-****!”
(slightly OT – I’ve only called one of those numbers one time – an armored bank truck that was being super aggressive toward this poor elderly driver. Still makes me mad! 😮 )
@Smartypants – I’m with you – I’ve never understood road rage. When operating a 2 ton machine at 50+ miles per hour, I think anger is the LAST emotion anyone needs to feel.
When I was in high school, I went to my mom’s work picnic with my parents and they let me drive. There was a pizza guy following us so closely that I couldn’t even see his bumper in my rearview mirror. He had at least two chances to pass me and didn’t, but finally he pulled up next to us in a turn lane. My mom made a mental note of the what the guy and the car looked like, and called the pizza place when we got home. The manager said it was the third complaint about the guy he’d gotten that week.
Oh dear – and that’s especially scary when you’re a new driver.
I live in an area that gets a lot of tourists, so whenever I see someone creeping along or acting distracted, I try to take a deep breath and just give them some extra space (unless they’re being a total menace). I think “try to be one of those friendly locals they go home and tell all their friends about” LOL.
Last week I was stuck behind someone who stopped at the red light on the ramp to the highway…and sat there. The no turn on red sign that hangs above the road is not for the ramp, it is for the people on the highway on the other side of the intersection (you can see it from the ramp, but it’s at an awfully odd angle if it was meant for the people on the ramp). So we sat there. And when the light changed, the person proceeded to absolutely crawl down the road; the limit is 40-50 and they couldn’t have been going more than 20-25. I passed them in the other lane as soon as I could move over and was so far ahead I could barely see them after about 10 seconds. They were just asking for an accident, with all the trucks in the area (right by the turnpike entrance and lots of warehouses).
Last week I was driving to work in the morning. I was waiting for my green light and I noticed a young testosterone warrior at the other lane. When it was finally green, I could get going faster in my old lil’ car than he could with his huge, expensive one. I even thought he might have some technical issues as I am not a very fast one normally. Then came a bottleneck and I ended up in front of him. As soon as the road was wide again, he lay on the horn, overtook me and showed me his middle finger and at that very moment I realised he was my colleague who was so blinded by rage that he did not recognise me at all (I was also wearing a cap and glasses, which I don’t normally do at work). I guess he expected me to turn left or right to another company, but I patiently followed him and when I got out of the car at the parking lot he finally recognised me. He quickly hurried away, only to come across me later at the company dining room 🙂 I dont look very appetizing, as soon as I entered he blushed and ran away leaving the half-eaten lunch behind 🙂
That is HILARIOUS!!!
@ALLEIN
When they pass up opportunities to pass, it’s usually because they’ve gone all zombie and fixated on your bumper. I’ve discovered that sometimes you can lead these people onto the rumble strips. That seems to get their attention.
On one occasion I was on a windy road in wet conditions that very frequently has wildlife darting all over. I ended up slowing to a complete stop before he got the message and pulled around me. I was tempted to report that guy as a drunk driver.
I call people like that “A** Sniffers” – as you say, they get fixated on their proximity to your car and pay no attention – high on fumes, I guess.
That’s awesome.
It would be even more awesomer if it were powered by a roomba.
Yes!!! Someone needs to get on that!
Love it! Maybe s/he’s working together with the canine cavalry??
With that outfit .. he needs two more things ..
1) Coconut cut in half
2) A Patsy
(And if you don’t get those references .. just have one thing to say … NI !)
I’m with you, Doug.
Took me a second but I finally got it. Thank heaven, I was feeling so out of it.
3) A shrubbery ?
This would be better if the tank were a panther. :V
Additional tank fact: the Germans had a prototype called the Maus. It would have been the biggest tank of the war by a wiiiiide margin, but the project was canceled due to being super dumb.
House Panzer?
Yes.
I live it when things make me snort. 😀
Hmmmm, appears to be a loose flap or two or three on that outfit.