Once again I turn over the writing duties to UPS delivery driver and cuteologist extraordinaire Scott Hodges, who shares one of the many unusual creatures he encounters on his daily travels:
The Sliming Labrademon (Canis Slobberus Berserkus) is a remarkable species that is native to the hills of Newberg, Oregon. Although a member of the Labrador family and genetically similar to its cousin the Blepping Labrapotamus (Canis Moochus Gianormous: see inset) it exhibits remarkedly different biscuit extraction behavior.
Where the Blepping Labrapotamus uses its ample girth to simply block the door of the UPS trucks from which it gains its sustenance, the Sliming Labradervishous relies on a combination of stealth followed by an all-out, hyperactive frontal assault.
Although good-natured and totally harmless, its preferred method of larceny is to lie in wait for the unsuspecting UPS man to open the door, whereupon it launches itself into the cab and proceeds to bark, whine, howl, beg, and eject copious amounts of ropy saliva, mud, paw prints and dog hair upon every surface of the vehicle as well as the driver himself.
The unfortunate driver who is suddenly confronted with this furious, frenzied, frantic, foaming, four-legged feigner of famine will quickly be overwhelmed and left with no recourse other than to dump half a box of dog biscuits upon the ground in a desperate bid for distraction and escape. Any attempt at resistance on the driver’s part is utterly futile, and will result in frothy kisses and a uniform, floor and seat that are coated with slobber that has the consistency and adhesiveness of axle grease. Only wily veterans such as myself with years of experience (and a plentiful supply of treats) should dare to intrude upon its habitat!
Found on Facebook by Cheryl S.
I really need to search for this guy’s name on the UPS Dogs page. I’ve only seen a few of his stories and they are fabulous.
Scott from Newberg (Oregon)! He’s wonderful! I left Instagram for the same reasons I left Facebook (which owns Instagram, alas), but I miss the UPS Dogs posts a lot, and his the most.
Scott Hodges! I love reading his stuff on the UPS Dogs page. The hashtags at the end of each post are pretty amusing as well.
Berserkus. 😂
WOW! This guy’s almost as good as NOMTOM.
My thought exactly! I mean, Mike is still (and always will be) the best but this guy is pretty amazing. 👍
Love the MOOCHUS designation. Is that a genus or species?
I wondered if Scot had taken lessons from him.
Idle curiosity: Can postage deliverers deduct dog/pet snacks as work expenses? I suspect they certainly cut down on ‘on the job’ injuries. Assuming that is that dog slobber isn’t fatal, just really slimy.
Assume this is the result of too many tax commercials on tv.
Any possibility that Mr Hodges can get a tag here? Also possible honorary citizenship in Cutetropolis as our resident postmaster and cuteologist-in-residence?
Good idea. I think this is only his second appearance here, but a tag will help when there are more.
I believe that’s right. I’m indecently proud of having been his first submitterator. (Note to self: Must get life.)
Love this post and love the Dogs of UPS page. I just spent 10 minutes scrolling thru and had to post this one. Don’t keel over!!
Urgh, the picture didn’t come thru. Let’s try this again.
https://www.facebook.com/upsdogs/photos/a.494104860679783/2672648486158732/?type=3&eid=ARCVmLXmjJIDuw4VEeWXcsv7sjSM0sI8La4kW2Kz0JJTSFtUEKPYP5TkSmOPbmtnKse2YxnGFdeMUSep&xts%5B0%5D=68.ARAtK9lz1cwPhAgS7kFCnqvqhLvJGvbQO_qREHJJYBz7HG-AnwUK-Qe_4_AnkdaDl7Gy-ILzvIRq-GKe95Tsm8gt9jJHuO3LTHJfX7lOvCUkwrt4ci4GvYzPCTNlHcU63gTL1d-Ocd246ew5WIvV3JCCb_TD4gkNSIXRpRb7dT5ghpUGKfaD-wKC1s1N84Su7mFSJ2I_gUn46cUj0Ba8zotWUPA8INoZO-tiwDzmWKc4AaWLrY7e1fmnvIeJJGfHWq6BStHGSYckNK4xEf7wkIDw9u7dkYr6Ricn-AMCx0tkSfGgXrOtdd-AMlavMLc-awPoKzbrJfz2Td6JTwrhaHo8Tg&tn=EEHH-R
Adorable! But good grief, how can there be a miniature Chihuahua? Aren’t they already the definition of miniature?
Want.
grabby hands
“furious, frenzied, frantic, foaming, four-legged feigner of famine”
HAHAHAHA That’s pure gold!
This guy should be WRITING for a living!