It’s such a nice day, so reader Faye is taking us all out for ice cream cones. I hope you’re not in a hurry, though, because this ice cream vendor likes to take his time and play with your food.
Cute Food
Getting to Know Clifton Swogwarthy, International Jet-Set Radish
“I used to be just another radish stuck in the ground,” says Swogworthy from his gracious 14-room summer home. “But then I had a root awakening. Plenty of vegetables lead exciting, high-profile lives. Just look at Paris Hilton. So why can’t I?”
An accomplished track-and-field athlete, Swogworthy trains for the Pan-European Greenhouse Games every day with his coach, Barkley “Doge” Yapperstein.
But it’s his relationship with wealthy heiress Betty Carotene that’s grabbed the most headlines. “There’s nothing going on,” he insists. “We’re just good friends.”
Suggested by Allein, Sender-inner of Mystery!
If You Carrot All, Read This
While Cutetropolis is primarily a humorous publication, from time to time this space must address serious issues of global importance. It is at just such a moment that we now shine the light of Truth upon a barbaric practice that even in this enlightened century debases the very soul of humanity: Baby carrots.
Every day, in every part of the world, helpless innocent baby carrots are violently torn from their families, crammed into plastic bags, and sold as a delicacy, often accompanied with exotic condiments such as ranch dressing.
Efforts to appeal to the farming industry have met with indifference, and in extreme cases, restraining orders. It falls to us, the carrot-consuming public, to shun this vile practice so that baby carrots may enjoy happy childhoods free from fear. Boycott Baby Carrots.
