Dear Spambot
Sometimes the site gets comments submitted by spambots trying to insert links to other sites. Rather than deleting these messages, I remove the links and add a little input of my own.
The 21st-Century Disease
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INFORMATION CANCERMay 26, 2016 / 1:07 pm
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Are your opinions shaped by Facebook memes and bumper stickers? Do you listen to talk radio and find yourself saying “Hot dang, that feller’s right”? You may suffer from Information Cancer, a condition in which simplistic yet tempting ideas multiply aggressively in the mind, choking off rational thought. Without early detection and treatment, victims of this disease are reduced to barely-coherent ramblings like the one above. Here at the Center for Cognitive Cancer Prevention, we specialize in advanced therapies to fight Information Cancer. Although there is no miracle cure, with therapy and fact-checking, most cases can be brought safely into remission. Let us help; we are a non-profit organization devoted to mental well-being and not a front for a secret Soviet takeover even though that’s what Glenn Beck told you after he noticed our initials spell CCCP, honestly that’s just a coincidence and see you’re doing it right now.
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666 of One, Half a Dozen of the Nether
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PETERSMIMay 13, 2016 / 2:57 pm
Google chrome logo 666
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Today’s reading will be from the Book of Ecommerce, Version Twelve, Revision 9.2303.
And thus it came to pass that the angel Siri guided User to an endless winding river, and spake unto User, saying “Behold, for this is the destiny of Man.” And User saw, and all around there was a great sorrow.
The men and the women did push their shopping carts across the river, but slowly and with great weariness, for the river was deep and wide and their carts were heavy with the worldly possessions they had amassed in life: treadmill workstations, mullet headbands for dogs, nose-shaped soap dispensers, and of course Spam and Spam Lite and Teriyaki Spam and Jalapeño Spam and Spam with bacon and Turkey Spam and Spam Spread and Spam-flavored macadamia nuts and Spam.
And across the river there was a great grate, guarded by the demons Ebayus and Etsyus. And the people pushed their carts to be checked out. “What lies beyond?” User asked of Siri, but she answered him not, saying “All who would pass must bear his mark.”
And User saw beyond the grate the beast Bezosebub on his throne, and etched into his chromium armor was the number 999 in a circle that had neither beginning nor end.
“But hold,” said User. “That is not the number 666 as revealed in Scripture.” “Yes, it is,” replied Bezosebub. “No, those are nines.” “No, they’re sixes.”
“They’re nines.” “They’re sixes.” “Nines.” “Sixes.” “Nines.” “Sixes.”
“Look, I know the number nine when I see it. There’s the top part, which is generally a circle or oval, followed by a descending stroke that begins on the right side and depending on the typographic style proceeds straight down to the baseline or into a semicircle
tangential to the…”“Listen, schmuck,” growled the beast, “I’m running this taco stand, and if I say those are sixes, then they’re sixes.”
And just then did great Bezosebub lift User by his ankles and hold him upside-down before his gigantic face. “Tell me what you see now, Captain Helvetica?” he demanded.
“Yeah, okay, those are sixes. Also, you’ve got a bit of spinach caught between your…” But finish did he not, for the beast had devoured him and was thus pleased.
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Metal Detector
METAL DETECTORApril 21, 2016 / 2:27 pmmetal detector metal detector metal detector metal detector metal detector metal detector metal detector metal detector metal detector metal detector metal detector
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M. Etal Detector, lead singer That was an excerpt from “Metal Detector,” the title track from the album Metal Detector by the heavy metal band Metal Detector. Intended as a sequel of sorts to the band’s debut album Metal Detector, the Toxic Mills, NJ-based band continues down its singular path, urging the listener to seek out metal. Far from the exercise in monotony that a quick reading of the track list might suggest, the album showcases the band’s rich diversity of styles, from the crowd-pleasing “Metal Detector,” which opens the album, through the free-form jazz-influenced “Metal Detector,” to the spirited gothic oratorio finale “Metal Detector.” In all, the nine tracks are a worthy addition to the opus of band that knows what it’s looking for and how to find it.
Photo: Singin' on the Fridge, by Satori ♥ Imaging, licensed under CC BY 2.0
love you
I love you too. Now hurry up and get me out of this car trunk.