To protect their illicit empires, criminal gangs will often resort to violent threats to intimidate their victims. A typical example is Mr. Harold Gibbersnood of Slipson Falls, CT, whom we will refer to as “John X.” to protect his identity. “When I fell behind on my loan payments,” John laments, “they said they’d send someone to ‘rearrange my face,’ as they put it. I thought they were just bluffing, but…”
It is I, Woofos — defender of the crown!
And I, Barkos — protector of the meek!
And I, Derpos — avenger of the dahh gahh herpity burble argle bargle zippity bleep bloop blop!
There’s one in every crowd, Dana D.
Whoa, I must have dozed off somewhere around Albuquerque…
Remember me? We met at the animal shelter’s New Year’s Eve party, and you were really drunk and kept pinching my cheeks, and you said I was your (and I’m quoting) “cutie wootie patootie” and I just had to come home with you. So you got any bacon?
