Excuse me, you’re in my shot…
“Now, gentlemen, as you can see from the live feed, the ocean floor at this point is relatively soft and flat, making the spot ideal for oil and mineral extraction with an expected chance of catastrophic habitat destruction of only 97 percent, which is within acceptable parameters for… um yes, can we help you?”
Via Imgur.
It is because one of you… is the murderer of Sir Hector Blayvin! And tonight I shall unmask the guilty party! Will it be Contessa Gloryosky von Saspoot, who coveted Sir Hector’s fortune to finance her $5,000-a-day QVC pewter figurine shopping habit?
Or perhaps it is none other than Reginald Bloomingonion, who was swindled by Sir Hector into spending millions on worthless swamp land in Siberia, which is even more embarrassing when you consider that there is no swamp land in Siberia?
Or shall I name Sir Horace’s twin daughters, Abigail and Abigail, who never forgave their cruel father for not giving them different names?
Or will it be Lord Brimstone Mountbatty, rebuffed in his attempts to purchase Sir Hector’s estate to turn it into Middle Ages Happy Torture Time theme park?
So, you may ask yourselves: How shall I reveal the dastardly killer? It is but child’s play! I shall leave the murder weapons — a Colt 45, a crowbar, three bottles of poison, and a copy of Dianetics — on the coffee table and turn my back, at which time the murderer will reveal himself to the others by killing me in an attempt to thwart the investigation!
Spotted by sleuther-inner Arne on Reddit.
“Jeez, don’t even ask. Here’s my day in four words: ‘We’ll let you know.’ That’s the one thing I really hate about this business, so much bandwagon-jumping and no loyalty. One kid dreams of a giant rattlesnake with a flaming clown’s head and it’s a sleeper hit, so now that’s all the casting directors want to see. And I have a killer CV, too. To this day, there are kids who won’t go to bed until Mom and Dad check the closets for Birdgirl. Now I can’t even get arrested in this town, dammit.”
These are the steadfast sentinels, lighting the way along the rockbound coasts from Kenneysbunkmate, Maine all the way to Lobster Winkle, Mass. Tonight, on PBS’s “Backwoods Travels,” we’ll speak with the keepers of these classic old lighthouses, and learn their tips to keep from hallucinating during the long winter — excuse me, we’re trying to film a documentary here, you’re in our shot…
