While I’m on vacation, please enjoy this repeat of a top-upvoted post. Keep sending cute links to submissions@cutetropolis.com! — Mike
Does your nose break out in colorful dots? You may be one of the estimated two million people who suffer from sprinkles. In the past, sprinkles could only be treated with rhubarb juice and prayer, but now there’s Placeben®, the once-hourly pill that reduces sprinkles by as much as 64 23.9 four percent*. Ask your doctor if Placeben is right for you, and do it fast before we raise the price. If he says no, ask again using a high squeaky voice. By the way, we raised the price while you were reading that. Placeben: Get Back in the Game, Whatever the Hell That Means.™
*Side effects may include sweating, twitching, awkward itching, warts and rashes, splotches in splashes, memory loss, memory loss, cold feet, hot lips, hawk eye, major burns, memory loss, tennis elbow, jazz hands, Trump hair, an unhealthy interest in badgers, fear of ninja attacks, actual ninja attacks, phantom tollbooth syndrome, spontaneous gargling, uncontrollable levitation, and memory loss. Do not take Placeben if you are Presbyterian or think you might be Presbyterian, taking dancing lessons, have two or more wooden appendages, enjoy Ayn Rand novels, faint at the sound of the word “topsoil,” or have frequent contact with penguins. Oh, we just raised the price again. If nose begins to smoke or play harpsichord music while taking Placeben, that’s supposed to happen.
One of my all-time favorites! I managed to get past the word “topsoil” this time!
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Sorry, but I won’t be convinced until I see stock footage of a happy couple strolling on a beach.
Does this help?
Thank you I now believe in Placeben.
This is my second-favourite post (after Klamath). Life is good. Thanks for the happiness, Mike!
OMG I think I’m having a side effect of Placeben!
I’m reduced to incoherent babbling.
Does aggressive snerking qualify as harpsichord music? I completely forgot about this one.
A classic. I practically cheered when I saw this on my screen.
Indeed a classic. Like all classics it should be read and re-read in order to savor all the sprinkles, er, nuances.
As a Presbyterian, I am concerned.
I’m experiencing a rupture in the space time continuum.
Yes!!! It’s back! I love this post and actually managed to get through it without snerking something out my nose or having uhmmm bladder control issues or laughing so hard my co-workers were worried I finally cracked under the pressure.
THIS IS SO GOOD, I’M SAVING IT TO READ SLOWLY & REPEATEDLY TONIGHT!
This post deserves a place in the “hall of fame” (Top UpVotes) even if it doesn’t get a ton of upvotes, because it’s really, really hard to find the voting buttons.
This post will never cease to be funny. The language reminds me of a Mad Libs story.