As your legally adopted companion animal, in exchange for snuggles and cuteness and worshiping you like a god when you come home from work, I am entitled to accompany you on all outings, trips and excursions at my sole discretion. It’s all right there in the adoption contract.

“(hum dee dum… dog biscuits, warm laps, long naps, interesting smells, dog park, sunbeams, I can’t hear them, they’re not there, tra la laa…)”