I Regret Nothing

As the door of the police cruiser closed behind him, Randall watched the work crew hoist the Mrs. Paul’s delivery truck from the harbor. It had been a memorable 24 hours: the daring theft, the high-speed chase, the news helicopters shadowing him… He had come so close, and in the end only a padlocked latch stood between him and glory. As the cruiser prepared to leave, Randall heard a clap — just one at first, then more, until he saw his people, lined by the dozens on the side of the road, applauding him. Randall smiled to himself. He would leave them as a felon, but return to them a hero.

(If only I had opposable thumbs and knew how keys work…)

Thanks to sender-inner John B. (via Mashable.)

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I’ve Made an Oss of Myself, Assifer

“I’m real sorry for all the trouble I caused. That guy I kicked through the bar window, and all the tables I smashed up, I’m sorry about that. And Mabel’s China Shop next door. And Snyder’s House of Historically Important Ceramics across the street. And the Emporium of Dangerous Unmixable Chemicals in Flimsy Glass Vials next to that, and…”

“So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper.”

U.S. Policeman Detains Donkey, smashmitted by Arne.

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