Dressing up for Halloween? Before you go to that masquerade party, you must first stand before the Costume Council, eternal guardians of the Halloween spirit. If your costume pleases the council you receive their blessing and a full-size Snickers. If not you are cast forever into the Flaming Pit of Eternal Suffering and Pilates Studio. Choose wisely.
Welcome back, fright fans. Our next tale of terror concerns an ancient portrait in the hands of a collector with impeccable taste — for blood. It’s a spine-curdling tale I call: Brushstroke With Terror!
“I hope your journey to my castle was uneventful,” said the dapper gentleman as he ushered his guest into the gallery. “I’m glad you could appraise the portrait here, because it is very sensitive to light and must never leave this room.”
“Why, what an uncanny resemblance,” noted the art expert. “This portrait is three hundred years old at least, and yet it looks just… just like…”
“Yes, I know,” said the gentleman, eyeing his guest’s neck. “It’s been in the family for generations. But then again,” he added, moving in closer, “so have I.”
Found on Instagram by Andrew Y. and Sharon H.
Introduced by Flurnston Boils, host of WQTE’s “Horror Hoedown”Happy Halloween, boys and ghouls! Help yourself to a handful from my haunted bowl of treats! I’ve got candy corn, Necco wafers, some menthol cough drops, a couple of cigarette butts — and these mind-bending links of cuteness to render you helpless with delight! BWAH-hah-hah!
FOUND HIM!
Bored Panda, via Andrew Y.
I’m flappy and whappy!
Sad and Useless, via NTMTOM
I loved you in “A Christmas Story.”
Maru, via Andrew Y.
Anybody seen Miss Muffet!?
Sad and Useless, via NTMTOM
Yes, it looks silly, but at least it’s warm.
Bored Panda, via Andrew Y.
Double trouble…
Due to an unfortunate misunderstanding between Planetary Maintenance and a recently terminated employee from our Reality Engineering division, we are attempting to disable a virus that gives everyone the Spider-man ability to cling to walls and other vertical surfaces. While it may be tempting to exploit these abilities, please be aware they could be disabled at any moment.
From your friendly neighborhood submitterator Elizabeth G.