Breaking News — The Cutetropolis Municipal Zoo has become engulfed in scandal as its most recent acquisition of a panda bear has been revealed to be an impostor. Reached for comment, zoo director Irwin Devious defended the action, saying “Look, do you have any idea how hard it is to get a real panda? There’s a waiting list, there’s paperwork — so I took a shortcut, sue me.”
Panda cat, by fox_kiyo, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0
Cutetropolis reader AB presents our favorite French bulldog Grogu in “a bad Star Wars fanfic, starring Grogu as Boba Fett and Grogu’s Dad as Cad Bane.”
As Boba Fett pawed at the blue-skinned bounty hunter, he had an epiphany. What he desired from Cad Bane was not vengeance and bloodshed, but uppies and snuggles! Bane, for his part, was all too happy to oblige. He could snuggle Fett for now. Later, we would turn that puffed-up jetpack jockey over to the Hutt cartel. For the right price.
Happy HELLoween, hungerers for horror! It wouldn’t be spooky season without a visit from your old Uncle Flurnston, so here’s a moldy old tale of terror I dug from the vaults titled… Terror is Served.
“What do you mean, you forgot?” shrieked Mrs. Wawa at her sheepish husband. It was the day of little Willie Wawa’s fifth birthday, and his parents were in a panic. “We’ve invited all his friends for a lavish party, and you forgot to call the caterers, put up the decorations, and hire the entertainment?! How will we get that done by tonight?”
As if to answer her frantic question, the doorbell rang. “Greetings, my name is Egghead McGee,” said the strange little man when they opened the door. “I am an itinerant jack-of-all-trades — clown, cook, and balloon artist extraordinaire — and I happened upon your lovely home in hopes you might have need of my services.”
Scarcely believing his luck, and having not read ahead to the end of this story, Mr. Wawa hired him and set him to work. Mrs. Wawa had her doubts, but when the party began, the strange little clown proved his worth. The guests laughed at his delightful antics, and his seemingly inexhaustible supply of streamers and balloons transformed the backyard into a festive funhouse.
“Now, while you pin the tail on the donkey, I will see to dinner.” And with that, he disappeared into the kitchen. The Wawas let out a sigh of relief. The day had been saved and everyone was happy, especially their beloved son… wait, where had Willie gone?
“I hope you’re all hungry!” said a voice from behind them.
And when they turned around, they saw…I mean, I’ve got the heart, I’ve got the courage — two out of three, am I right?
Newfoundland Dog Dressed Like Scarecrow, by Petful.com, licensed under CC BY 2.0