Cute Criminals

Cutetropolis Crime Alert!

Not That Mike The Other Mike27 Comments

Cutetropolites, be on the lookout for shifty shoplifting squirrels with a criminal candy craving. A shopkeeper in Toronto captured the brazen thefts last October and November, and now the klepto-cuties are Internet famous.

“I always see them sneaking outside the door, looking in my store, and even right at me!” said Paul Kim, owner of Luke’s Grocery. “They come in and take Crunchies, Crispy Crunch, Wonderbar.” The store estimates it has lost close to 50 bars since the crime spree began.

Thanks to concerned citizens Andrew Y. and Faye. (More at Global News.)

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Protection Rack-cat

Not That Mike The Other Mike23 Comments

“It’s a nice kitchen you’ve got here, lady. Doing all right for yourself, aren’t you? It sure would be a shame if anything … bad was to happen here. I mean, accidents happen all the time — there you are, pouring yourself a nice cup of coffee, when BANG! Hand grenade. Happens every day. That’s why me and my brother here have a little business proposition for you.”

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It’s an offer you can’t refuse.

Via Imgur.

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I Regret Nothing

Not That Mike The Other Mike26 Comments

As the door of the police cruiser closed behind him, Randall watched the work crew hoist the Mrs. Paul’s delivery truck from the harbor. It had been a memorable 24 hours: the daring theft, the high-speed chase, the news helicopters shadowing him… He had come so close, and in the end only a padlocked latch stood between him and glory. As the cruiser prepared to leave, Randall heard a clap — just one at first, then more, until he saw his people, lined by the dozens on the side of the road, applauding him. Randall smiled to himself. He would leave them as a felon, but return to them a hero.

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(If only I had opposable thumbs and knew how keys work…)

Thanks to sender-inner John B. (via Mashable.)

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I’ve Made an Oss of Myself, Assifer

Not That Mike The Other Mike15 Comments

“I’m real sorry for all the trouble I caused. That guy I kicked through the bar window, and all the tables I smashed up, I’m sorry about that. And Mabel’s China Shop next door. And Snyder’s House of Historically Important Ceramics across the street. And the Emporium of Dangerous Unmixable Chemicals in Flimsy Glass Vials next to that, and…”

donkey
“So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper.”

U.S. Policeman Detains Donkey, smashmitted by Arne.

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