What, you think nature just happens?
We have received multiple reports that small wormholes leading to parallel dimensions have been opening in random locations. If you see a black hole, please contact Dimensional Support immediately. Keep small children and pets away from the area.
Found by Julie on Imgur.
We are aware of the recent increase in Earth’s rotational speed and apologize for any inconvenience as we investigate the issue. At this time there appears to be no danger of items or persons being thrown into orbit, but we will post further updates should conditions change.
We have received multiple reports of malfunctions in doorway subsystems affecting parts of the Northern Hemisphere. Although doors may remain visually apparent, tactile properties may be non-operable, allowing unauthorized access. Test suspect doors with the door.knock() function prior to entry, which is a generally good idea anyway because you never know what you might walk in on.
We are receiving occasional reports of dogs radiating a disco-ball light effect whenever the song Boogie Oogie Oogie by A Taste of Honey can be heard within a radius of 7.75 meters. Although our Sensory Processing development team is investigating, this issue is classified as low priority as the effect appears to be harmless and popular at parties.
Get down, Sharon H.