Greetings, humble homeowner! It is I, Princess Petunia Pittiepants, ruler of the garden fairies and protector of plants! None shall be nasty to your nasturtiums or get creepy with your creepers!

Greetings, humble homeowner! It is I, Princess Petunia Pittiepants, ruler of the garden fairies and protector of plants! None shall be nasty to your nasturtiums or get creepy with your creepers!
People, via NTMTOM
The Dodo / YouTube, via Skimpy
Love Meow, via Andrew Y.
Dear Resident: We attempted to enter your home today to service your air conditioner. However our technician was greeted by a large dog who brought toy after toy and pestered him until he agreed to play tug-of-war with Mr. Squeaky Octopus. After that the dog offered our technician a bag of potato chips from the pantry and several beers to wash them down. As a result he was unable to complete the work, but will return tomorrow. Please have more beer.
I’m going to remember this. One moment I was splashing and rolling in the mud, living my best life, and the next you put me in this tub and scrubbed it all away. But some things don’t wash off so easily, do they? Like betrayal. Like anger. Like… vengeance.