Secrets of the Mystic Dog Arts

The most difficult and closely guarded secret in all of dog sorcery is the creation of the canuscaton, sometimes known as the “poodle golem.” This powerful and obedient servant formed from fur clippings can be brought to life only under strict conditions. The acolytes must gather before the clippings wearing the sacred amulets of their sect. They must then chant in unison “canem crescere faciam” a total of nine times: Three times forward, three times backwards, and three times in high-pitched clown voices. All must focus their full mystic energies onto the creature; if there is even one who doubts, the incantation will fail.

“Stan, did you HAVE to bring the kid?”

It’s a poodle! It’s a poodle, Sharon H.!

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17 thoughts on “Secrets of the Mystic Dog Arts

  1. Smartypants August 25, 2017 / 9:40 am

    Poodle Golem! 😀 😀 😀

  2. Ricky's Mom August 25, 2017 / 10:44 am

    Just for fun, I decided to see if Google Translate had a pronunciation of Mike’s dog Latin* Yes, it does—but it’s Italian!

    * Google says “Make the dog” in Latin is “ut canis.” “Create a dog” is apparently “create canem.” I don’t actually trust Google on this.

    • Not That Mike The Other Mike August 25, 2017 / 10:46 am

      I’m glad someone checked my work! I used Google Translate to produce the “incantation” in the first place, and I experimented until I found a phrase that translated correctly and also looked like a proper incantation might look.

    • Ricky's Mom August 25, 2017 / 10:51 am

      My Latin is so rusty it barely exists any more. But “create canem” has been verified by another translation site. I think to get a more “realistic” incantation a phrase like “Let the dog rise” or “May a dog be created” might get better results. Or might for me, since my command of Latin imperatives at this point is beyond rusty; it’s truly non-existent.

      That said, I like your version. Very Harry Potterish.

      • fkaWaldenPond August 25, 2017 / 11:08 am

        Jk Rowling has this great story of being at a cocktail party where a guest was trying to insist that the spells, incantations used in Harry Potter were ‘real’ and worked and all the while Jk was replying back that “Uh no, really, I made them up.”

          • fkaWaldenPond August 25, 2017 / 11:20 am

            😀 ;D ! (That spell didn’t work either, he was still around by the time shrimp canapés came out.)

          • Gigi the cat lady August 25, 2017 / 12:09 pm

            I guess she had to SPELL it out for him LOL!

          • Ricky's Mom August 25, 2017 / 1:43 pm

            Win.

    • debg August 25, 2017 / 11:09 am

      Mike correctly used the subjunctive in his Latin, faciam. He could also have used the imperative fac, but I always love a good subjunctive. Literally, his spell translates as “I would/will make a dog to rise up/grow.”

      • Ricky's Mom August 25, 2017 / 1:45 pm

        Oh, good, DebG! Thank you for correcting my incorrect correction. ? And well done, Mike. My apologies for calling it dog Latin. Or og-day atin-lay.

      • Emsthemonster August 25, 2017 / 4:11 pm

        Debg, could you change the word “dog” into “cat” in the incantation, please?
        I have just combed Felix and I think there is enough fur for a tiny white kitten!

        • Murray C August 25, 2017 / 5:24 pm

          Oh, and “rabbit” – I recently brushed a shedding Clementine and have enough for perhaps two rabbits. And I have to have another go – there may be yet another rabbit! It’s true, it’s true, rabbits do reproduce like rabbits even in the world of magic.

  3. Faye August 25, 2017 / 11:21 am

    Curly surely!

  4. Kar August 25, 2017 / 12:10 pm

    That one, second from the left, is clearly a doubter.

    Also, those are poodles, they dont exactly shed and that black one doesn’t look freshly clipped.

    So where’d they get the hair? The one second from the left again?

    • allein ? August 25, 2017 / 3:57 pm

      Maybe they’ve been saving it up just for this picture….

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