Enemy agents are watching, so I must be brief. At exactly 3:33 tomorrow, you will approach our operative under the Eiffel Tower and attempt to tell a knock-knock joke. He will furnish you with a forged passport and one-way ticket. Once off the train, proceed to the nearest cafe and order a “gooseberry muffin, hold the poppy seeds.” You will be given a plain box containing an orb. You must bring this to the leader of the resistance, a man known only as The Tongue.

“Oh, you think you can get past me? Try it, pal, you’ll get such a licking! Yeah, bring your friends, I’ll lick ’em all!”

And it was at that moment, while Maynard was momentarily distracted by trying to remember what planet he was on, that his tongue seized upon its opportunity to escape.