Hey Can We Be Friends?

“Hey there you seem really nice and I think we should be buddies and hang out and do stuff and we can play or do whatever you want it’s totally cool with me because I’m super mellow and I promise I won’t bug you or get on your nerves and stuff so can we be buddies now, OK bye.”

Andrew Y.

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Undercover Agent

On assignment deep within enemy territory, the secret agent lurks unseen to gather vital intelligence, relying only on stealth to survive. The successful spy must pass unseen in a crowd, hide in plain sight, leave no trace, for to be discovered means certain death.

two photos, the first of a bed with a suspicious object under the covers. the second photo shows a surprised cat under the cover with its leg raised
Before you shoot me, what gave me away? (Reddit)

Submitted on self-destructing microfilm by Andrew Y.

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Toot Tell the Truth

The hot springs were usually a place for tranquil meditation. But not for JoJo — at least, not today. His terrible secret left his stomach knotted and his shoulders heavy with shame. Unable to invent a plausible explanation for the mysterious bubbles, JoJo tearfully confessed to his friend that, in fact, it was he who dealt it.

Two baby snow monkeys sit together in front of the hot spring. One of the two monkeys is looking down as if ashamed.
It’s okay, man, we’ve all been there.

地獄谷野猿公苑-Snow Monkey, by 迷惘的人生, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

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Shelf Life — and Death

The holidays had been good for Miss Camelia Poofybutt. The home was filled with friends and relations, each one ready with a belly rub and pat on the head. The lavish dinner was enjoyed by all, with many sumptuous morsels “accidentally” falling from the table for her to enjoy. Later she sat by the fire, filled with food, friendship, and the peace of another year well spent. With the new year fast approaching, only one holiday tradition remained: The annual savage dismemberment of The Elf on the Shelf.

corgi dog chews on arm of doll with red and white striped costume
SNITCHES GET STITCHES, YOU TURNCOAT!

Twinkie and a toy, by Sergiy Galyonkin, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0

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